You Have Less Than 24 Hours to Buy a Red Lobster

It’s tough times for Red Lobster, the mid-tier dining chain known for its endless shrimp and those delectable Cheddar Bay Biscuits. This week, Red Lobster announced the “temporary” closure of nearly 100 restaurants, and the permanent closure of of dozens of outposts across the country, amid rumblings that the company expects to file for bankruptcy. But, some good news: If you’re the winning bidder, one of those restaurants could soon be yours.

Or, at least, you could win all the stuff inside a now-shuttered Red Lobster. Via the auction site RestaurantEquipment.bid, the chain has listed the entire contents of the closed restaurants, in what the platform is calling “the largest restaurant equipment auction ever.” The real estate isn’t included, sadly, but you could soon be the owner of your very own lobster tank. (Notably, the lobsters and other “perishable goods” are not included in the haul, and neither is the booze that once made countless goblets of Tiki Passion Punch.)

The items up for auction also include “comprehensive bar and dining setups,” decor, and pretty much every other inedible thing that makes a Red Lobster a Red Lobster. The auction concludes on May 16, and items must be picked up at the individual locations by Friday, May 17. And, of course, because this is an auction, caveat emptor — the auction site notes that “there may be slight deviations between items outlined in this sample listing and items available on location.”

At the time of this writing, the Red Lobster in Auburn, Alabama is up for grabs at $5,400, while the location in Council Bluffs, Iowa will only set you back $2,400. Considering that these kitchens are stocked with ovens, fryers, and other pricey restaurant equipment, those prices seem like a real steal. And even though they’ll likely rise substantially before the auction concludes on Thursday, it’s possible that some lucky restaurateur is going to score a hell of a deal.

Or maybe you, dear reader, will be the one to score a hell of a deal. Perhaps you’ll turn this collection of greasy kitchen equipment and padded booths into something truly special. Grab some friends, pool together some cash, and get to bidding so that you, too, can embark on the ill-advised dream of opening your own restaurant.