So Now Panera Is Selling a Bread Bowl Hat

You could forgive Panera Bread for thinking it should keep pushing into the fashion world. The brand’s baguette purse was kind of great. But in anticipation of the Kentucky Derby, and to promote its new menu, Panera is now releasing a “bread bowl” hat that kind of looks like a bird tried to make a nest out of stale leftovers.

The hat, or really a fascinator designed for the hyper-specific fashion conventions of watching horse racing, was created by A-Morir Studio. It “features a 3D-printed bread bowl exact replica surrounded by colorful ostrich feathers,” Panera says in a press release. It’s “limited-edition,” and for $21 it also comes with a Panera gift card to get you to try new menu items. And, somehow, it’s already sold out.

A lot of food brands have gotten the message that the public is hungry for swag, any swag. I’m literally wearing a Pizza Hut shirt that says “STUFFED CRUST” on it as I type. And there are a lot of cool pieces in the food and fashion world, like this Arizona iced tea windbreaker and these Benihana slippers. But the push for endless collabs has also led to some poor choices, whether that’s the profoundly ridiculous Supreme Oreos, or KFC’s new merch line with Life is Good (the makers of those stick figure T-shirts your uncle wears). And, of course, there’s the question of if it’s ever cool to serve as such overt free advertising for any of these food companies.

But what made the Panera baguette purse at least a little fun is that it didn’t immediately look like you were shilling for them. It was patterned with the brand’s P logo, but squint and it looked like a pretty functional bag. The fascinator, however, has never been about practicality. And while Panera didn’t invent the bread bowl, so an onlooker might not immediately clock its provenance, you would still be wearing a large loaf of bread on your head.

Maybe the problem with the hat is just that Panera made it. It does not seem so different from what you might see at New York’s flamboyant Easter parade, or an attempt to channel one of Salvador Dali’s iconic looks in a challenge on RuPaul’s Drag Race. But when a brand strives for not just fashion but whimsy, it tends to fall short. You can’t reverse-engineer absurdity and delight. Someone get the Panera execs a copy of Notes on “Camp.”

But, you know, get it if you want! And good luck keeping the birds away.